overgrown heart.

if my arms extended far enough to touch the outskirts of the universe, i'd create my own constellation; i'd connect the dots into your reflection, so whenever you disappeared... i could dig my heels into the dirt and my knees into my teeth, and i could stare endlessly at the sky & find your eyes in the pattern of clustered stars i rearranged and organized for my own pitiful benefit. but at least the reflection i molded from stardust would always be beautiful. maybe then, i'd never have to fear the layers of your age unmasking to reveal your horrifying undertow; maybe then i would never be terrified of your current, unforeseen and vicious, pulling me under the indescribable surface of who you are now. 

but god, help me... hopefully i'm wrong; you're not just a surface, right? a thin layer of crystal clear water that is only a false portrayal of reality, manipulated by my own heart so i could temporarily forget the person (people) you have been. no, no please let this be real. prove me wrong, that i haven't fallen down another rabbit hole of imagination, that you are here to stay. i wish i could see past the pain in your eyes & discover the seed of your truth. and when i do dig it out of its position in your mind, it's exactly as you say it is. i wish for it to be the counterpart of my honesty. because... because i love you more then anyone will ever understand, i love you enough to pour out my dreams, i love you enough to forgive you & i know i will love you forever... but i also have neglected to focus on the fact that i love you enough, to be blind to what you're capable of doing. and with every step i take through the sidewalks of my heart, my footprints grow seeds of hope, and forgiveness but also of anger and... bitter nostalgia. 
i only hope the orchids you've bloomed will overpower whatever venom-laced dandelions have been planted in my overgrown garden of a heart.