Then I have those days, when I walk on the edge of the sidewalk.

I feel as if leeches have been thriving in my heart these past few days, 

sucking it of all its energy, & patience. 

But they haven't done their job, 

all they've left is the remains of a charcoal heart. 

"I'm sorry for who I can be, I'm so sorry"... 

I feel like saying that to everyone who has crossed my path these past few days.

I've resorted to quick judgements, snappy replies & a growing impatience for just about everything and everyone. 

I don't want to be this person anymore, but the monster that licks my spine & haunts my mind, 

I don't control it, I can't control it. 

I see her, giving me all of the advice I need, 

listening to my endless worries as I drown her with my fears

& insecurities

& trite, unnecessary complaints. 

And today, I realized I forgot the last time I asked her how she was,

and actually listened. 

"I'm sorry for who I can be, I'm so sorry"

 I see him, trying so hard to make me happy, 

& all I do is throw bitter words & the past back at him. 

For every pull, I give a push. 

"I'm sorry for who I can be, I'm so sorry" 

I'm so tired of myself, I'm so repulsed by the poison-fanged monster. 

I am happy. 

I am impatient.

I have energy.

I am drained.

What do you see, when you look in the mirror?

& What do I see?

I wouldn't know, 
I can't look myself in the eyes for more then a few minutes, 

for fear of seeing something 
I've managed to hide with the dust I paint over my pupils. 

This isn't me, 

Usually, I'm floating at the edge of happiness, and  hanging off of the cliff of ecstasy. 

& sometimes... sometimes, I'm edging around the corners of the labyrinth in my spirit. 

Always, tip-toeing at the spine of something new, 

but never truly there.

And now, I am.... buried, in air. So how do I unbury myself from something so intangible? 

 I've just seem to have misplaced me somewhere between 

exhaustion 

impatience 

& fear.

Maybe, I'm just tired. 

If you have a solution,

a snap of your fingers or a twirl of a wand,

for a boost of soul-energy.

A wheatgrass shot to the spirit,

let me know.