I despise hope, 

because... 

Hope makes you believe the ashes that have been carefully blown into the cluttered 

trunk of your heartbeat.... will maybe, just maybe disintegrate under his touch. It makes you withdraw yourself from the reality of what is, & send you 

plunging 

into the deep, lightless, disgusting unknown of what could be. I used to think I was so much better off in my clouded head, taking my nerves & my mind into the abyss of the darkest corners of dreaming. 

& there, within my heavy head, balancing on weightless wings, I could breathe easy. 

I had fooled myself; I dreamt so pretty and lived so ugly. 

Now, I live so ugly and dream so empty.

Currently listening: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUGzY-ihqWc